It has begun

I've just received an open letter from Dr John Hegarty, Provost of Trinity College, on the "financial situation", now that the IMF have arrived and that Ireland plc is officially bankrupt.

In one sense, it makes for grim reading, as even here in the oasis of the university, the time has come to batten down the hatches; there is some very stormy weather ahead. On the other hand however, it is provides a shred of optimism; that with commitment and good leadership, we will find a way to work ourselves out of this mess.

Make up your own mind:

Dear Staff and Students

You are all aware from the media reports that the country is facing challenges which require drastic action on every front and we as a university will have our part to play.

Given the crucial role which high-quality university education will play in bringing the country out of recession, I am hopeful that the case I and the other University Presidents have been making for the past number of years at government level will be reflected in the best case budget for the sector. In my view it would be fatal to cut-back to a point where we cannot even deliver our core mission. Other countries have invested in education and research in their worst moments.

I presented a paper to the Board of the College at its meeting on 10 November in which several scenarios for the Colleges finances for the next five years were presented. A worst case and best case scenario were outlined which ranged from a 20% to 10% cut in the government allocation (core grant plus free fees allocation) resulting in a cut in money terms ranging from €20m (worst case) to €10m (best case) by 2013 over the 2010 level. If allowance is made for an expected downturn in research income and its contribution to overhead costs, and the additional costs that must be factored in for new space are taken into account, the funding available to the College will decrease by a further €10m. Either scenario represents an enormous problem and one that cannot be managed without drastic and far-reaching action.

There is one very positive point in our favour. We are in the fortunate position that, due to prudent management under our new central structures, the College has no budgetary deficit thereby positioning it in a relatively strong position to address the current funding crisis.

In considering the financial projections as presented, the Board agreed that we must take every step within our control to secure the College’s future financial viability. We must consider all actions that can be embedded into the system with a long-term impact without undermining the core mission. Once-off funding may be used in the initial period to off-set the expected decrease in government funding of our activities. The College’s actions will focus on: (a) increasing revenue from non exchequer sources: a number of sources are being considered, including increased recruitment of fee-paying students, and enhanced philanthropy and commercialisation activities; (b) cutting costs by ceasing activities and/or by introducing greater efficiencies in the use of staff resources, supported in large measure by the completion of the College’s estrategy programme.

The Board agreed that my management team, including the Executive Officer Group and its Planning Group, will look at all options to secure the College’s financial future. This work has now started and a process of consultation with Heads of School, Heads of administrative and support areas, and student representatives is underway to seek solutions and mechanisms to address the financial crisis. I would also like to engage the whole community. To this end I will hold a number of public fora at the beginning of December to further discuss the situation and to solicit your suggestions.

The impact of the financial situation on the quality of teaching and the overall student experience is a cause of grave concern and I am extremely appreciative of the efforts being made by staff in all areas of the College to cope with the reduced staff numbers already taking place over the last two years. My colleagues in the IUA and I have been working actively with the HEA and the Department of Education and Skills to find solutions and to secure the best possible arrangements for the College within the context of the Employment Control Framework.

It is inevitable that personal cuts in pay, the current lack of promotional opportunities, the prospect of increased student charges as well as the adverse nature of much public commentary will have an impact on the morale of our College community, but there is also a resilience and a determination to succeed that is helping us to achieve our goals and to meet our obligations, notwithstanding the unprecedented extent of the current national crisis. By creative planning and looking at all options – short and long term – I am optimistic that we can seize the opportunities offered by the current crisis and emerge stronger and very well placed to contribute to the country’s inevitable recovery.

I hope that the government in whatever form will not take such steps as to fatally damage the system.

John Hegarty

Provost

Correspondence

As part of training, we get regular (usually three times daily) updates from our coach, via email. Now granted that there are about about 35 novices in the group, the mailing list is still being sent out to near two hundred people, so obviously there are lots of people who don't row, yet they are still being inundated by Neal's emails.

Last week, there was a rather amusing incident when I emailed everybody on the mailing list about hiring tuxedoes for next week's Boat Ball. When I found this response in my inbox, I was both puzzled and delighted at the hilarity of the situation.

Here was the original mail:

From: MJB

To: Novices mailing list

Hi guys

For anyone considering going to the Boat Ball, I just checked the rates with the place that I get my tuxes from.

They will do a group rate of €49.50 when there is a group of ten people or more. The normal hire rate for a tux is €75.00, so it's a good deal if there's a group of guys who want to hire tuxedoes.

The place is Aston Formalwear, in Temple Bar; so it's in Temple Bar around the corner from O'Connell Bridge, about three minutes away from Front Arch.

Anyway, it's an idea worth considering.

Regards

MJB

To which this reply came:

From: Cameron Kenny

To: Neal, MJB

Hi. can you all please delete me from your mailing lists? I keep trying to block one sender, and then someone else on this enormous contact list e-mails me again.

I'm a woman living in Montana. Please stop e-mailing me! :-) Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!

At which point, I couldn't but respond:

From: MJB

To: Cameron Kenny

Hi Cameron

Are you sure you don't want to rent a tux?

Regards

MJB

Elbow typing

This ad caught my eye earlier and I loved it. In general, I'm a huge fan of the "Here come the girls" campaign by Boots; they have really owned that tune. This one made me smile and laugh, probably because I remember interviewing for a job in a call centre. I really love the elbow typing, it's a sublime touch. Anyway, cheers to Boots, it's great stuff! Hope you enjoy...

Not doing gifts

Another cracker (ha ha, geddit) from Boots. Normally I would think it's too early for Christmas at this juncture in early November, but for this case I'll make an exception!

Here come the girls!

Made at the boat club

Take That's latest music video was shot down at the Dublin University Boat Club in Islandbridge, resulting in my feelings of "that looks awful familiar" as I watched the start of the video. I'm used to the view of the boats and the blades, so when I saw the feet lifting the boat out I was very surprised to find the faces were not those of the Trinity crew. I think the Trinity crew are definitely better looking!

Anyway here's the video, you can judge for yourself. I think that it's a bit nonsensical really. I'm pretty sure that there is not such thing as a five person boat, and also there is no way that one could row and sing simultaneously. We could, of course, try incorporating the song into our playlist for circuit training, but I think that that would bomb rather quickly. Still, the boathouse looks good!

Wee Daphne

Here's a rather heart warming and well-reasoned piece by an American mother whose five year old boy wanted to go as Daphne from Scooby Doo for Hallowe'en this year.

Fair play to this woman. She is obviously clear-thinking and sensible, and she argues her case with poignancy and understanding. She not only describes, but she also tackles people's prejudices head on. I'm very impressed!

Gaga in a 2:2

The Guardian reports today about the University of South Carolina which is offering a module in Lady Gaga Studies.

One can only imagine what it would consist of, but the Guardian has written a rather humourous yet withering piece about it.

Be our guest

I'll admit it: I've been singing this for the last two days. It's too good not to! My favourite lyric is "Try the grey stuff; it's delicous. Don't believe us? Ask the dishes!"

Disney at its best!

In the bin

"In the bin" is a debating term for when a team performs really badly in a debating competition and is therefore seeded really lowly. As the rounds progress, a poorly performing team will be seeded against teams of equally abysmal poor speakers and social misfits. This was what happened to the team that I was subbing on, Hist L, yesterday. By round five, we were, really and truly, were in the bin.

Absolutely brilliant video! Hopefully I'll be in a position to avoid the bin come the Manchester IV in February!

Something we made earlier

This is the promotional video for the TCD Debating IV, to be held in January 2011.

We shot it last week in the Chamber, as as you can see it turned out rather well!

It's a corrupt oul' world

I'm just after finding this on the Guardian's website, and it's rather interesting as it reduces the whole world to a series of dots. The colour and the size of the dots relate to how corrupt the country in question is. I've always been fascinated by such alternative ways of displaying "the world". I find them very hand for challenging our prejudices.

What's really amazing about it is that it's as if North America and Western Europe vanish, and the shape that remains is fairly recognizable as the rest of the world. The entire African continent is basically unchanged; what does that say about its levels of corruption?

As a matter of interest, Ireland doesn't fare too badly at all, clocking it with 8 out of 10. (10 being good.) That's marginally better than Great Britain (7.6), slightly worse than Iceland (8.5) and bit still far short of class-topping New Zealand (9.3).

And the bad news... Well it's not looking good for Somalia (1.1), or Iraq (1.5), or Afghanistan (1.4) or the Sudan (1.6); so that would lead us to believe that where there is war, corruption follows close behind. In terms of countries that have more industrial clout, yet have brown envelopes and back handers a-plenty, we've Italy (3.9), China (3.5) , Russia (2.1) and Brazil (3.7). I'm not really sure what that tells us about those countries, but rather I suppose it confirms anecdotal evidence.

Still, as a cartographic exercise, it's very interesting.

Lovely London

The Guardian have put this little slideshow together of newly built, buildings under construction, and proposed buildings in one of my favourite cities, lovely London.

They even come with handy nicknames; The Walkie Talkie, The Cheesegrater, Some shite that Zaha Hadid threw together... Enjoy!

Stereotyping

It's funny how we stereotype. For example, I was explaining to Stephen earlier about who the cox is in a boat. I described the cox as "generally a small D4 girl who sits in the stern and gives instructions." To which he replied: "Oh roysh, they wear Uggs and say "loike oh moy Gawd, row foster".

Well at least he got the Uggs bit right.

Links fahren!

This was spotted on Google Streetview. It's funny, 'cause there used to be a similar sign on the tiny bóithrín that my sister lived on during her first year in college. Her road, An Sruthán, was located about a kilometre short of An Cheathrú Rua itself. Galway County Council had, in their eternal wisdom, put a 60kmph speed limit on the road betweeen Casla and An Cheathrú Rua, despite it being a good quality, paved, national secondary route. To turn onto An Sruthán, a driver must come around a bend, stop, and then turn right at a 110 degree angle (backing on to oneself) over a small humpback bridge, onto a boithrín with grass growing in the middle. As this meant that the driver had left the main road, which had a 60kmph speed limit, they were greeted by two shiny signs on either sign of the grassy lane which proudly proclaimed 80kmph!

If you only watch one video today, watch this

This is an amazing little presentation on how good family planning can transform the fortunes of a country. Here we see how a proactive policy of prophylathic provision imrpoved the lives of millions of people in Thailand. The speaker is funny and erudite, and this video will leave you informed, with a big smile on your face. After all, isn't Thailand known as The Land of Smiles...

Whilst we're blowing people up...

Grant has just introduced me to Harry and Paul, a new BBC comedy; good stuff by the looks of it. You just got to love the BBC. RTE, stop, looking and take heed!

This little sketch appealed to me. It's like a mix between Mr Bean and the 10:10 campaign video, only without the public outcry. Enjoy.

Parody Season

As per my previous post, the No Pressure video has sparked some parodies.

Like this one, about Muslims:

Bare Arsed Ballinteer

Google Street View went live for Dublin during the week and I'm just after seeing this little article in the Irish Times. Apparently two young fellas, with little else to do with their time, exposed their bare arses to the Streetview camera car as it drove past. The result is a full moon on a fine sunny day in Ballinteer.

Apparently people have being going wild about it on Twitter, with directions being given how exactly to find the house. Google have stepped into the furore, and blurred out the offending buttocks.

I have never used Streetview before, but I must have a wee gander at it now and see if my house comes up on it. I wonder what the weather was like and who was out walking on the day that they did my road. A lot of my friends tend to get lost in Drimnagh, saying that "it all looks the same". Maybe street view will be a remedy for that, at least they can practice getting here before they even leave home.

UPDATE: I've just looked at my house on Streetview and I deduced this much:

1. It was summer. My car is parked in the driveway. I only have the car during the summer.
2. It was last year. The dead stumps of the trees are still on the street, the Council hadn't replanted them yet.
3. It was Friday. My neighbours have their recycling bins out.
4. The weather was overcast and generally miserable; sounds like last summer alright.

Finally, a bit of sense.

Here's a copy of a Tweet from Fine Gael TD, Nora Owen. I've never met Nora, but she does seem to have a nice practicality about her, like a long standing member of the ICA.

“Will no one tell Enda (a good and decent man) to go quietly and gracefully? A new energetic team needed. (keep Ml Noonan)”

At least she seems to have some amount of cop on, thank God. Poor Inda, he really seems determined to be Taoiseach, like a petulant five-year-old who is throwing tantrums until he has his turn. It kind of has echoings of Gordon Brown's insistance that he must become Prime Minster, simply because he had waited and waited and now it was his turn. And we all know how that worked out...

It's kind of pathetic really, poor Inda doesn't seem to get that his chance came and went. Imagine that it was an American teen movie. The Irish electorate (Ireland) are the hot girl that everyone wants to get into bed with; Inda was the slightly odd character who just wasn't cool enough for her, and when he asked her out on a date, Ireland said "no".

Not that Inda isn't a great guy, and sure Ireland would have been very lucky to have him, had she have realized it at the time, but sure she was getting loads of attention from the class jock, Fianna Fáil. Now Fianna Fáil was an exploitative dickhead, and Ireland knew that, but sure she got into bed with him anyway. Now, Ireland has discovered that she's in major trouble due to her involvement with Fianna Fáil, but it's too late; they were the choices that she made.

Now Inda has come to prominence as leader of the Sci-Fi Soc or some similar obscure society within campus, which gives him an inflated sense of his own importance, yet most outsiders continue to view him with utter disdain. And he's still desperately trying to get in with Ireland, despite plenty of hints that she simply isn't interested. Meanwhile Inda continues unabated, simultaneously being both mocked and pitied by all who witness the spectacle. Sound familiar?

So maybe Nora Owen should invite Inda around for a nice cup of tea, and gently break the news that he's not going to be the next Taoiseach. He'll probably be devastated, as most five-year-olds are when there are told that they are not going to the zoo, but he'll eventually realize that it was never to be. He won't get a trip to the Áras; but eventually, he'll probably see that it's for the best.

Batman Cake

This is possibly the coolest birthday cake ever baked. Of course, I don't need to tell you that it is a two tier Batman birthday cake which, wait for it - is actually blue on the inside.

This wonder of culinary creation was dreamed up by Amanda, in response to her six-year-old's call for a Batman themed birthday party. As I'm sure you can see, the results were rather impressive.

I was lucky enough to drop by on Saturday evening to see this creative confection in the early stages of its development i.e. in the oven. Amanda assured me that the acrid smell of burning plastic was, in fact, perfectly normal. Like the peasant hanging around the master's table, I pounced on the crumbs once Amanda started to cut and level the cake, prior to icing. To my amazement and delight, the cut cake took on the appearance of a blue sponge. No no, not a blue sponge cake, but actually a blue sponge; I soon began to wonder what exactly she'd put into the mixture...

Well mysterious mixtures aside, here's a photograph a slice of cake. I think that we can all agree that real beauty is on the inside!