Spy school

Imagine you were attending a course in espionage and covert activity.

Imagine you were doing a drug trafficking module.

Imagine the word "mule".

Imagine finding this in the bathroom.

If a man lieth with a mouse, than it is an abomination and both man and mouse shall be put to death.

Yeah, that's right. Mice. I'll leave the rest up to your imagination.

The guy involved appears to be a bit of a character, so to speak - in so much as he was caught smuggling $34 million worth of cocaine.

But it wasn't only mice, it also featured dogs and horses. And one man who was filmed riding a horse (geddit) actually died from the injuries that he received.

Bizarre.

Saved by our woeful rail network

This poor chap went to a head shop and bought some Wild Cat bathsalts at €35 a gram. It was probably the most expensive bath he ever had. Silly billy ingested them instead of giving himself a good scrub and as a result he had a psychotic episode, ending up at railway line in the middle of the night waiting to throw himself under a train.

Well, fortunately for him, it's Ireland, and we barely have trains during the day time, never mind at night. He did however manage to stab himself in the wrist with a screwdriver, which he brought along as a backup plan just in case the train never came.

Naturally, he now calls for all head shops to be closed. Glad to see that he has taken a mature view of his own stupidity. Unfortunately for us, he is not the only person displaying a dazzling lack of maturity when dealing with head shops. Oh well, at least the reactionary prohibitionist lobby has one more member.