Tainted Victory

I have just won by means of cheating; and I feel awful.

I was cycling home from Irene's this evening and as I came up Bridge St about to turn onto High Street, I saw a 123 come through the lights. "Right", I said, "I'll race it home".

The main factors affecting my decision were: a, it was full of passengers and therefore likely to stop frequently; b, I was feeling lucky; and so I took off through the lights after the 123.

My calculation regarding the amount of passengers aboard was somewhat over-estimated, as the bus did not stop as often as I had envisaged. Not only that, the driver was vigorous in his approach, accelerating quickly after each stop. It soon became clear that I would be chasing the bus's taillights if I was lucky, and no more.

I almost managed to catch it as it came into the hospital, but I was paying so much heed to catching it that I forgot that there were actually two sets of tram tracks to cross, not just one, so things nearly ended quite badly. Having regained my balance at the last moment, I managed to swing into the hospital entrancce just after it and only the barrier took a swipe at me as it came down in the wake of the bus. I thought I was going to lose the damned thing then as it didn't stop and headed out of the Rialto Gate. Then jackpot! Red light. Taking my advantage, I swung out on to the South Circular and peddled like bejaysus.

At this point I would just like to make clear that a cyclist "interpreting" a red light does not constitute cheating, it's simply the fastest way to get around town. Know your junctions, that's the trick. Furthermore, I'm touching wood as I type this, for fear of invoking the bad cycling karma. Anyway, tangent aside, back to the race...

Down the South Circular I went, urging Priscilla onward. Bizarrely I was slapping the side of the handlebars, like I would do a horse (just slightly mind, I wasn't going OCD or anything). Still, this is weird considering that the power actually comes from my legs, and patting the handlebars in order to encourage an inanimate object does seem a little pointless... The red light had given me a decent head start, so I managed to get up Suir Road and into Drimnagh, well ahead of the bus.

As I started up (and this is where the uphill kicks in) Galtymore Road, I could see the bus gaining on me from around the corner. Onward I urged the bike, unzipping my jacket to stop me from overheating. I could hear it coming up behind me; I considered playing dirty and cycling in the middle of the road, but I kept in. And then it took me, just by the shops at Galtymore Road. Shit. But wait, there was hope. There were still a couple of people on the bus and it was near the end of the route, so it was going to have to stop. I kept peddling.

It stopped at the bend on Galtymore Road, I don't think anyone got off. I gained on it. It was coming up the the next stop, at the end of the road. Now I knew that I could just about catch it. It was going to have to stop, and then stop again 20 yards further, and make a series of complicated turns on and off the roundabout. It reached the end of the road and turned left. I had just about got it; it approached the roundabout and headed on to it, I was right behind it - and then it happened, I cheated.

The bus had just turned left and started onto the roundabout. I looked right; there was nothing coming, so for the first time in my life, after all my years in Drimnagh, I headed the wrong way onto a roundabout. I could hear the bus circling behind me, but I had left it. I was in the clear, I turned left up Errigal Road and I was home. I pulled the bike up on the path and dismounted, to watch the bus come up the road and pass the gate.

I felt horrible; after all of the effort, I fell at the final hurdle. Had I had of followed the bus on to the roundabout, I probably would have beaten it. It's slow and cumbersome, and it's difficult for it to make the 270 degree turn followed by the immediate left. I could easily have tailed it around, and nipped past him as he made that final complicated turn. On the other hand, had I have tried this, there is a good chance that I could have been flattened by the bus, as pursuing it so closely around tight turns is probably a good way of getting oneself killed. By then, doesn't all sport have an element of risk? Racing especially.

Regardless, I won by cheating. Now I will never know if I would have beaten the bus. Maybe, I would have, maybe not; that's the real killer. I was left standing in my hall, feeling unclean and very sweaty.